Wine For Every Occasion
-by D. Kent-McDonald
While the words whine and wine seem to have little in common save for the fact that they are homonyms, upon careful consideration, an intelligent person may be able to discern that they often are best used in tandem. Here’s what you should know about both…
Sauvignon Blanc - a white wine best known for its grassy flavors. It is a popular choice to accompany with shellfish and thus a perfect companion for whining about sea faring men (or any man with a tropical fish collection that he spends more time with than you).
Pinot Gris - A white selection and has a low acidity. This grape produces rich, fragrant whites which is perfect for whining about the propensity for New York artist-type dates who can’t -or won’t- spring for the bill at a restaurant with a good wine list.
Chardonnay - A white wine which nicely balances fruit, acidity and texture. It is crisp and complex and is a good pair when the time arises for eating Mexican food and whining about the newly discovered husband-man that you could have sworn was of the single variety.
Muscat - This grape produces a spicy, floral wine that may range from dry to sweet. It is often served with dessert dishes and is a lovely companion for the chocolate and wine binge that accompanies good friends and chatter regarding a very public dumping whence you left with half of your mascara sliding down your cheeks.
Gewurztraminer - This full flavored grape produces a white wine that may range from dry to sweet and have spicy smells and full flavors. If you’re eating sushi and the whining turns into full fledged anger about how you’d like to utilize your chopsticks to stab the stranger on the street who repeatedly steals your taxi, this is a good choice.
Riesling - White wine know for its floral aroma. Rieslings can be dry, or succulently sweet. Because these are often reminiscent of fruity flavors, whining with Riesling is a superb choice when you (in your best little girl whining voice) request the roasted vegetables instead of rice because of your impossibly non-carbed diet.
Champagne/Sparkling Wine - In the process of making them, these wines are made bubbly. Because they can be produced from white or red grapes, they are perfect for the group whines; those which ultimately end in a pseudo celebration of how the sacrifices made to be a successful businesswoman are totally worth the unending hassles and lonliness.
Pinot Noir - Definitely reserved for whining about the often already-spoken-for crème de la crème type of male specimen (who will inevitably abandon you for his flying lessons, his nanny, or his new Hummer), Pinot Noir is a red which can be extremely complex. Their aromas remind the drinker of cedar, cigars, and fine chocolate and are best paired with friends who have been in the same deplorable, pathetic situations as you are, and will lend their advice in the presence of rich food and good ambiance.
Zinfandel - a red selection with a range from light to full body and berry or spicy tastes. This grape is often used for the sometimes popular blush wine known as “white” Zinfandel and goes nicely with casseroles and a whine fest focusing on the more prevalent life issues such as new-shoes blisters, lipstick that bleeds, and parents who bring their demonic children into normally quiet restaurants for lunch.
Syrah (Shiraz) - Shiraz grapes (red) produce complex combinations of flavors such as plum and smoke. They have strong tannins (produce a bitter taste on the palate which provides balance and structure) and therefore go perfectly with complex combinations of flavors. Bring a good South African Shiraz to your therapist’s office and crack it open as you whine about the unpredictable state of the world and your tenuous place in it.
Petite Sirah - Red wines with peppery flavors, these compliment rich meals and are lovely during those longish rants. They should be reserved for deep, insulting, privately held rants regarding bosses or other individuals who would be best abandoned on Alcatraz to swim home.
Merlot - A red wine, often with a full body, but with a softer taste than Cabernet Sauvignon. Its flavors and aromas include dark berries, plum, and mocha. Merlot is a full serviced whine companion, not to be reserved for any specific type of man or situation. It is often utilized for in-law discussions with a sympathetic partner or friend.
Cabernet Sauvignon - This red wine is intense with tannins. Because of its full-bodied characteristics, Cabernet Sauvignon is a wonderful whine companion for red-hot lover quarrels after which great, juicy kisses are the expected outcome.
Leave a Reply