I’m leaving Susan Juby up here today and over the weekend.  If you didn’t see her funny, juicy stuff below, keep reading.  I just had to tell you about Max’s dilemmas.  There were two yesterday.

Dilemma #1:  He somehow had it stuck in his little gorgeous head that the dentist x-ray would make him BLIND.  The poor hygenist who dealt with him obviously didn’t have five year old offspring experience because she was really trying to be logical and linear.  It was a hilarious exchange.  Anyhow, it all worked out.  And Max still has use of his eyes.

Dilemma #2:  [In the car, driving from Kindergarten to daycare.  Max gets teary.]  MAX:  Mom I don’t think I can be friends with that kid I met.

MOM:  Why?  He seems like a nice boy.

MAX:  But he picks his nose.

And so you see.  The dilemmas of a five year old rival those of any major world leader….  Be sure to come back Monday.  THE MAC GURUS HAVE WRITTEN…

I must admit, I’m feeling a bit giddy… like I had a few too many martinis, even though the strongest drink I had today was a pumpkin spice latte (non-fat, of course). BECAUSE THE AMAZING Susan Juby is the guest blogger of the day.  Her books are totally excellent.  (I totally adore Alice…)  And her blog is fabulous.  So.  Without further ado, may I present:  Susan Juby!

Hi,

I’d like to thank Deanna Kent-McDonald for asking me to guest blog on her hilarious website!

Happy first days back to school. I remember going back after the summer. The satisfaction of picking out a couple of nice binders and fresh notebooks. Maybe a new pencil case. Some stickers with the names of my favourite heavy metal stars to decorate the binders, notebooks and pencil case.

How fun was it to load up my knapsack with all my new things, plus my industrial strength hairspray, curling iron, full makeup bag (this was, after all, the eighties). Today, I would take advantage of the developments in suitcase technology and get a rolly case that I could pull back and forth. I would include a couple of changes of clothes. One for each period, including gym.

If school went the way it usually did for me, and quickly devolved into problems with classmates and teachers, misunderstandings, and extended periods spent in detention, I’d have had to squeeze my stack of excuse notes in there as well.

“Dear X, Please pardon Susan’s erratic and moody behaviour. She’s been under a lot of stress lately. She has to pull that rolly suitcase with her everywhere. Plus her mother (I) unreasonably refuse to buy her a car. And if Susan should happen to miss the odd class here and there, say, one to two per day, please forgive her. I do.

Signed, Susan’s Mother.”

Here’s a list of the juiciest things in my life, the things I would bring in my suitcase with wheels if I were to head off to school again:

My dog Frank. He’s indispensable. He would give me someone to talk to during science class. Of course, then I’d have to pretend I was blind. But that would have a lot of side benefits in a school situation.

My Fidelity jeans. They have plaid pockets. Enough said.

This year’s potato crop. There are eight of them. They range in size from a hummingbird egg to a small pebble. I grew them in a pot on our deck. They are my first vegetables. I would submit them to my science teacher and say, “Hey, look at what I grew! Even though I’m visually impaired!”

My horse Tango. So that I could give people rides and gain some much needed popularity. Of course, I’d have to tranquilize him so he wouldn’t kill anyone. But sometimes being popular requires desperate measures.

My new Ducati jacket. Because it’s a Ducati jacket.

Have a good, or at least tolerable, school year. Put a rock star sticker on your binder for me!

So OBVIOUSLY the Juicy Website choice today is www.susanjuby.com  

Go read her blog.  And if you haven’t treated yourself to a good read lately, indulge yourself & find her at your bookstore! 

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 6th, 2007 at 5:53 am. You can leave a comment below.