Dear Person who has been ringing my doorbell @ 8 a.m…. You’re probably thinking that since my car is in the driveway, I’m just lazing around in bed or something… too sloth-like to descend the stairs & get the door. FYI -I’ve actually been up since 5:00. But I’m not stupid enough to open the door to a stranger unless your van indicates some kind of trade (plumbing/electrical) that I’ve requested. So I’m not sure what you want but please either leave me a note or go away for good. The door isn’t opening. If it does the alarm will deafen you. Go knock on someone else’s door.
Dear Julie Bird… I’m sort of missing you popping in on my doorstep. You’re a good popper. I’m trying not to be jealous of the new “pop-ee” (not to be confused with “poopy” - but naturally only a mom who just finished yet another Captain Underpants installment would have lingering juvenile humor infiltrating the brain)… Anyhow, I hope she doesn’t have a cleaner sink than me or anything…
Dear Sherry… Damn it. I have nobody to bring Starbucks to anymore who will look at me, take the latte, and give me a giant hug all in the same millisecond.
Dear Alison… Even thinking of your fab smile makes me miss U a ton. I keep meaning to ask you what your summer plans are, but I never do…
Dear God, It’s Me Margaret (whoops. wrong line)
Dear Kelly… Could use a brownie fix right about now. And your deck.
Dear Lana… Like I was telling you, they replaced the dock where our scribblings were carved. It probably happened like 20 years ago but when I walked by and saw it all gone, it made tears come to my eyes. Eran asked why I was crying. But, even to me, it sounded so silly to proclaim disbelief that the city ripped out Friday afternoon dock carvings. But it wasn’t, you know? “Always Be Wild”. (there. i dare someone to freaking rip that off my site.)
Dear Janine… It’s really hot here tonight and it made me remember the night when we were supposed to go for dinner but somehow we just ended up sitting on the curb by Tokyo Ichiban pretending we were somewhere else? It’s funny how the sticky hot weather feeling can make you remember stuff.
Dear Tim Horton’s Lady… Besides the crabby guy in the Chapters’ line-up, you totally get the award for crab-apple of the week. No wonder I go to Starbucks.
Dear Karen… You know how Max drew butts on your carpet? I know you say that it’s not a big deal. But I think half of my insomnia issues are indirectly related to that. So if you could let me know if they come out - and if not, then I can arrange for them to be taken out?! Who the hell needs to live with butts on their carpet, anyhow! 
Dear Anderson Cooper & Dr. Sanjay Gupta… Just want to say hello. I’m reluctant to stalk you on the CNN blogs, but that restraint on my part does not diminish my freakish adoration of the both of you.
Dear Deanna,
May 18th, 2008 at 12:19 pmThe person ringing your doorbell at 8 a.m. was me, looking for your carpet cleaner. (Ha ha, just joking–couldn’t resist the opportunity). It is true, I have avoided cleaning the drawings. I figure that in the past twelve years I have cleaned up enough butts.
Seriously, though, your obsession with my carpet need not be limited to the butt drawings. You could extend your concern to Bridget’s root beer stains, the cat vomitus patches, the Strawberry Yop blob, or even the 1/2 tint Travertine White paint that poured out of the can in the hallway. We have too many carpet issues to deal with here.
But in order to ease your weary conscience, I took the Folex to the art this very morning, and alas, Mr. and Mrs. Bottom have vanished!
Sleep well tonight.
Dear Karen,
May 18th, 2008 at 1:48 pmhave i mentioned you rock? if you continue to welcome my family unit into your home, whist i cannot promise total abstinence of inappropriate behavior, i will absolutely try to curb it.
with much gratitude,
deanna
Well Deanna, I don’t know what I am doing this summer yet. I did get a job teaching English as a second language so that will be a fun new endeavor. Lucky for me I can do that on my own time so I will have lots of time for holidays! Hopefully a holiday to Kelowna!
May 19th, 2008 at 12:00 pmMiss you Much
Alison
No Worries D, You’re unreplaceable…irreplaceable…crap…where is there a great English Teacher when you need one? J.Bird
May 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pmI know. This thing has no spell check…
June 12th, 2008 at 8:01 amIt should…. for my sake.