Remember the time I went to Costco to buy a case of V-8 Juice and I accidentally came home with a Shit-szu dog instead? Today’s Costco experience trumps it.
In fact it was so distressing, I was reminded of the phobia list I did a while back (my fave phobias are pasted below in case you missed it). I admitted a fright of airplanes (which is eased, incidentally, with pharmaceutical intervention). I never did mention my utter distress and anxiety for DENTISTS. Oh yes. And I feel kinda bad. Because dentists have one of the highest profession-suicide rates (probably because of people like me who have intense, irrational dislike of spending time with them). Nevertheless, though I postpone a cleaning now and again, I do go. And when I do, I go in and the nice, wonderful people in the dentist office know me well and they smile extra nicely and reassure me with kind & gentle words…. So everything’s a-okay…
EXCEPT
I moved! I have no kind and gentle dentist-souls to lean on in times of cleaning or distress — say, like the distress of SWALLOWING A THIRD OF YOUR FREAKING MOLAR IN COSTCO. Oh. I kid you not. (pause for laughter if you must. i’m glad i can’t see it.)
So. After Deanna has 10 anxiety attacks (not because I’ve just cannibalized myself but because I have no choice but to call a dentist immediately), I get a recommendation. And here’s how it goes:
Me [being honest in case they aren’t equipped with nice enough staff to deal with freak-out patients]: I have two issues. Number one is I swallowed a good chunk of my molar an hour ago. I need my tooth fixed. Number two is I’m quite anxious about seeing the dentist.
The DERANGED receptionist: So I don’t get it. You think you’ll, like, come in here and DIE?
I kid you not. That’s what she said. She said the word *die* on the phone to me. Since when did receptionists become so scarce that dentists have to hire the AntiChrist to answer phones!! Needless to say, I scoured the phone book and tested a few more offices before I found what appeared to be a sympathetic soul.
And. Just like Forrest Gump. Deanna has nothing more to say about that.
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fave phobia words. no dentists included…
Most of us are scared of some things. Some of us have actual, serious phobias. But get a load of the following list…
Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airborne noxious substances. (Having two boy children who howl when they fart may be part of the reason I wish more people in my house had this one.)
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens. (?)
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness. (Is there a universal standard? Okay… this dog, maybe.) 
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns. (I don’t love clowns. But if one got too close I’d sick a mime after him.)
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation. (I’ve been pregnant. Given birth. I get this one.)
Genuphobia- Fear of knees. (Guinness Book of World Record fingernails, maybe. But knees?)
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old. (Okay… Good thing there’s botox!)
Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology. (You mean terms like Hellenologophobia?)
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms. (Alright.)
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry. (I may have met some students who might have this.)
Nudophobia- Fear of nudity. (Like your own nudity? Or like if you were married to Phyllis Diller?)
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia- Fear of eyes. (Again, I’m laughing my head off.)
Peladophobia- Fear of bald people. (Step back. This isn’t just not liking the fact that you might go bald. This is a fear of BALD PEOPLE.)
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums. (Too bad you’d be really uncomfortable without one.)
Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public. (Like graffiti? Or signing cheques?)
Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry. (The ugly dog might get valuable here.)
Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives. (hmmm)
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing. (Easy to remedy. Unless, of course, you live with a Nudophobe.)
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat. (Well, seriously. Who isn’t.)
Now. Even if you’re cyberphobic, say a quick little thanks to the universe that you’re not a nudophobe & GO LEAVE A BRILLIANT comment @ www.RYWnow.com
For more phobias (I mean a gigantic phobia list), go to: http://www.phobialist.com/index.html#Top
You are to funny.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:15 pmI also can confess I am afraid of the dentist experience. Not the actual dentist himself, although i have hated a few dental assistants who were terrrible.
When i got my wisdom teeth removed i was so anxious that as the detist was just putting in the frezzing I had a major panic attack and the dentist was sure I was allergic to the frezzing. He stopped and said “why didn’t you tell me you were allergic to this frezzing??” I said I am not, i am just so nevous and scared!! He responded with “but you are a nurse” What does that have to do with getting your teeth pulled out!!! MO
Well… You can tell a lot about a dentist by the staff she/he is surrounded by. I am happy to report that I found a stellar dentist (actually someone I went to highschool with) - went in today - and her intelligence is matched by excellent staff… they didn’t even say the *die* word ONE TIME… And next time DON’T tell them you’re a nurse. Say you just got out of Sing Sing (for maiming your last non-gentle dentist)…
May 21st, 2008 at 10:51 pm