I do a few things really well.  I can order a coffee with 20 descriptions in under 3 seconds flat.  I can blow GINORMOUS bubbles – like HUGE ones on demand.  Sometimes I can string words together and make them sound nice.  However, I make no claim to domestic goddess or cooking queen.  And today, I knocked another possible talent off the list.

Deanna went to Kindergarten this morning.  The air on the way was cool and fresh.  The leaves were blowing around, and there was a certain feeling of confidence just walking through the wind.  As if anything the fabulous Kindergarten teacher would throw at me would be taken head on and conquered.

And so… when I was given my task of outlining 50+ little badges with white glue and gold glitter, I breathed a sigh of relief.  It wasn’t bulletin boards!  (Doing a bulletin board, BTW, is akin to the task of constructing the earth.  God can do bulletin boards, I’m sure.  Elementary teachers -who must be closer to the heavens than yours truly- can also put together these monumental responsibilities with a smile.)

So.  This was the recipe:

• 2 bottles of Elmer’s white glue 
• 50 little badges made from stiff blue paper
• A giant bottle of gold glitter
• One confident (but inept) Kindergarten mother

Let me just say that Elmer’s glue should be renamed.  It should be called “sticky hell in a bottle”.  The badges were nice.  (Paper doesn’t normally throw me off.)  And the glitter?  That gorgeous glam gold?  Well, I’d be happy if the government deemed it unfit for use on the planet earth.  I spent no less than 15 minutes trying to get the hell glue to move freely from the bottle, then another 20 pouring glitter (this is a serious multitask, people…. trying to get the glitter on the glue spots and keeping it from floating all over the freaking school is no simple thing LET ME TELL YOU), and then finding counter space to put them all… Well, I was the LEAST efficient Kindergarten mother in the entire universe.

So.  Glitter & Glam?  I’ll stick to my shiny Karma Queen’s crown.  (Check out the KQ blog – for teens – at www.karmaqueens.typepad.comor at myspace.com/thekarmaqueens)

If you happen to see a Kindergarten teacher today, please go out of your way to drop her off a Starbucks creation.  One with AT LEAST 20 words behind it. 

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 25th, 2007 at 8:53 am. You can leave a comment below.