Benjamin Franklin’s 13 Virtues.  Deanna’s interpretation in green.

Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.  This, of course, excludes very good dark chocolate and martinis.

Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.  Except for your desk, junk drawers & shoe closets. 

Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.  I resolve to never give up my dreams.  And to utilize false lashes for a beach vacation. 

Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.  Applying to good dark chocolate & martinis, it also refers to scraping the last of the limited edition lip color by MAC with a fine brush.

Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.  The exception is coffee.  Starbucks charges minimally for an “extreme” latte - with more than the normal number of espresso shots.

Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.  “Useful”, of course, refers to coffee with friends, using pink and green chalk to draw draculas on driveways, and dancing around in your kitchen to Crazy Frog hits.

Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloths, or habitation.  This virtue can be flexible if one is raising children, working, writing, and dancing around to Crazy Frog instead of sweeping one’s floor.

Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.  Okay.  This one is definitely perfect as is.  The world is too big and too many wonderful things are waiting to waste time being pissed at trivial stuff.

Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.  And remember what may benefit yourself is a long, rambling conversation of everything, nothing, kings, cabbages, and laughter with your best friend on your cell phone as you are grocery shopping.

Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.  Totally.  Except for the part about instructing people how to think.  Think whatever & however you want but if you’ve read or seen ”The Secret”, you’ll know that your thoughts turn to reality. 

Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.  I’m all for justice.  But give Lindsay & Paris a break.  Their mug shots plastered all over the television along with blathering commentary by strangers (as well as their jail time) is probably enough already.

Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.  Hmmm. 

Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates. And Bono. 

And notice that patience is not listed.  Good thing.  That’s the hardest one.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 26th, 2007 at 6:20 am. You can leave a comment below.