WOULD YOU COULD YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME?
ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY, TOTALLY, FREAKING INSANE?
It’s all unequivocal nonsense. But my latest adventure (unlike a Dr. Suess tale) didn’t even rhyme… and contained a negative amount of funny parts…
Me: I just need to get a new driver’s licence. I’ve moved into the province recently.
Licence Person: I see your last name is hyphenated. Do you have your marraige certificate?
Me: Nope. I got married on a beach in Jamaica. The certificate might be in one of the hundreds of yet-to-be-opened boxes. But I have my passport, my old licence, and all my other ID. All of them have my legal last name.
Licence Person: Your passport is just a simple travel document. It means nothing to us. We can’t use that.
Me: (slightly incredulous & getting a bit red-in-the-face) You can’t use my passport? Every piece of my identification is issued in my legal, hyphenated last name. What if I go home and I can’t find my marriage certificate?
Licence Person: Well, then. You’ll just have to call Jamaica.
Me: (sarcastic edge totally slips out) Just have to call Jamaica? Oh. I’m sure that’s going to work. I’ll get right on that.
Licence Person: I’ll issue your driver’s licence in the first name. It will say Deanna Kent.
Me: Well that doesn’t really cut it because Deanna Kent isn’t my legal name.
Licence Person: That’s all we can do. If you want a licence, that’s what it will say. (Licence person takes Deanna’s picture. She asks Deanna to sign. She scrutinizes signature). That doesn’t say Deanna Kent.
Me: It says “Deanna Kent-McDonald”. Deanna Kent isn’t my legal name and I won’t make up a signature to match some ID that doesn’t even have my last name on it.
Licence Person: (Scrunching face as if she had just eaten a double serving of Green Eggs & Ham) Have a nice day.
Do you think Dr. Suess, on occasion, had the urge to drink multiple double martinis? OY.
OMG I’d have thrown a fit…what a PAIN IN THE BUTT!!! OY!
March 9th, 2008 at 1:52 pmI’m telling you… I almost threw a tantrum. But then she might have decided to change my name to “Bartholomew” or “Horton” or perhaps even … GRINCH!
March 9th, 2008 at 3:44 pmAre sure we’re not related? That sounds like the typical gong show that occurs regularly in my life. Basically I dread leaving the house and interacting in most business like situations for reasons like you just experienced, with that irrational communist like DMV person. You should have told her that was great that they would issue you government ID in someone else’s name so the real you could not be held responsibile for the violent crime you were about to commit in her office!
March 9th, 2008 at 8:27 pmHonestly, Dawn. I seriously, seriously attempt to rationalize all of the gong-show-Suess-related-bizarro happenings & convince myself that if all this strange stuff didn’t happen, I’d have nothing to write about… Still. I wouldn’t mind trying Mary Poppins for a day… (Did Mary drink copious amounts of martini mix???)
March 9th, 2008 at 8:38 pm